the never ending monologue.

I used to be a man of very few words when it comes to things that are personal. Throughout the months, I realize I've been rather open with my personal affair - especially with regards to matters of the heart. I believed why I did that was solely because I was happy being with the one I truly loved. I ignore speculations when others think a certain way about me. I re-read back my Facebook status last night, since mid last year when I first got myself entangle in a relationship. I was really happy back then. Mushy, yes a little - but more than anything else, it was jut about appreciation I had for the other half. Many knew but choose to keep quiet and not ask me straight to my face. Some did, though. And most of the time, they get an honest answer that make their jaw dropped. I have nothing to hide about my relationship status with anyone in the past. Yes, you could have notice I openly reiterate my status to in a relationship with someone whilst I was at it. More than anything else, I wasn't bragging about it, but more of respecting the other party and telling the latter, look, I appreciate and love you and I'm not shy nor afraid to share it with the whole world.

These dew weeks have been a rough week personally for me, but I realized my Facebook status hasn't been as morbid as I thought it'll be. I'm thankful I have friends around me that are willing to go through with me and give me strength. And yes, as most of you could have already noticed, the relationship status has changed - and indeed in reality too. There's no grudges between us. I have not even a pinch of hatred feelings for the latter. I have once love the latter all my heart- and truth to be told, still am. But things doesn't always go our way. There are things in life better a certain way. I appreciate everything the latter has done for me. I love the latter but I loathe a certain behavior. God created us all differently - that I'm willing to accept. And I believe sometimes, we just need to give them time to change or realize. I have given the latter several opportunities and things aren't working out. I badly wished it had, because truly I want it to work out so bad.

I'm not going to pin the latter down with whatever that has happened. I believe in every failure, we ourselves are to blame. I have no doubt that I have my mistakes and flaws too. I guess what I thought was the best for us may not be for the latter. There are hurtful things I might have done, but never have I intentionally done it. Sometimes I thought, you will understand, but sometimes it isn't that way. At times, you think what I did was just ridiculous and annoying, but I thought it was normal and fine. Small things intrigued me, but not for you. In every step you took in your life, I've always been supporting and giving my all to what you're doing. But, you think I'm not supporting you when all I did was being overly concerned for you. I tried my best to give what I've got to prove that I was sincere and that I loved you but all I got was a bad impression of myself. I was just being overly concerned when I tried to talk you out. Sometimes whatever we think is right, is not right. We are bias against ourselves, we always want to win in any battle. But, sometimes we just have to face it - we do lose at times. I guess this time both of us has lost one another. I'm really not the least happy about it, cause for one year, I have worked for this relationship. Trying hard to make it work, trying hard to prove I'm sincere, trying hard to show you I want to take care you, Trying to show you I'll be with you whenever you need me. But I guess I'm just human. I make mistake and I guess my mistake was that I was trying so hard. I just didn't want to lose you, but truth to be told, I just have.

The last thing I will ever want to be in, is a situation where I am betrayed and played behind my back. I just can't accept that. If someone's really unhappy being with me, they just have to tell me and I'll understand that I'm not needed. I can't accept being treated like a mannequin. Saying you were busy with your commitments with something you like, I'm perfectly okay with that. But shoo-ing me off despite me supporting you all the way is just not nice. You told everyone else I wasn't supportive with what you are doing. You told everyone else that I can't accept what you like. I really beg to differ because all these while I was there to support you in every decisions you make - although sometimes I tend to nag. One thing to do that, but it's another whole story when you shoo me off, but could spend time with another being. I wasn't asking for much. During the time I was with you, I knew your schedule very well. I called you during times you were a bit free to entertain me. And I rarely hogged on the phone for long when I know you're out and busy. But, I guess that was too much for a someone who loves you to do for you. I guess you find it annoying. In real fact, I think you actually find me annoying. I have come to terms with that. :)

I'm not gonna rant any further because there's just too much things to say and I just can't go on any further. I just wanted to let this out here because I couldn't succumb it to myself any further. But fret not, I'll recover.

No doubt, I still blame myself for the failure of the relationship. I wasn't good enough for you. I know you've found someone else and I'm happy if you're happy. I just need to take a rest now. Just a long rest.

Au revoir.