I was peering through the curtains at the empty court, listening to the flyby planes when I thought I should write something.
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Almost too often, you hear people saying extraordinary things about love. Being in love, the power of love, what love do to our lives, the love for people, the love from God, blah.
You do? I do, too.
Is love charitable, or is love a mechanism of sympathy?
Then some yesterdays ago, I heard someone that came up with the statement, "death is overrated".
I couldn't exactly remember when and where I stumbled upon this line, but it surely did came knocking some sense up north.
Probably made true by the ignominious kinship it has with the cowardice of suicide, death is almost always preferred by the most desperate people who want the easy way out of life.
I'm not saying every death shall be a glorious death, nor every suicide, an dishonourable act - but what is it, is it.
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There's too much of these glorification going on about death, love and life; the trinity that came out with you from your mom's womb.
These exclamations, of love being a powerful stimulus in our lives, how it plays a mammoth role in our way of live, blah... I am clueless from where I should start believing, or where I should stop believing.
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I wrote this because I was cheated into believing I was loved.
My maker made me believe that they loved me, they cared for me, and that they'll give me everything I want which will be good for me.
Through this belief, I then waged a war against the crusaders of my life, and I am adamant that this defiance and rage in me will tell me that I need to persevere to preserve my pride and stand.
Because I finally comprehend that "what is good for me, may not be good to you at all", now I want to have I want, that people might not want. So what is most important now; is what I want, not what people want. We don't live for others, don't we?
I'm an living individual, so after these ordeal, I suddenly questioned myself and ponder why does my life have to be managed as though it's a business deal.
Not making any sense at all.
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I was never a rebel, but as the imminent demise of my acquiesce proved to be too overwhelming, I've decided that it's time I sail the sea myself.
I want to be my own captain, so sailors - please leave.
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"I'm doing this because it's for your own good" - what if I think otherwise?
"You shouldn't be doing this because it's gonna implicate you and us" - Huh? Us?
"When the waters are calm, then you shall bring on the surfboard" - So where's my fun when I need it now?
"Do this, don't do that because it's gonna hurt us..." - Why do I always have to succumb to thou words?
Everything they said, they made me felt as though they loved me.
Sorry, but love is more than just monetary comfort or a few hugs. There's so much more.
When I can't help but to feel that this love was faux and otherwise, I suddenly felt ridiculed of what they wanted from me.
I then finally decide to stop being the rip-off I always was.
I can't condone any more of these; apparently all these pre-emptive "precautionary" phrases that were engulfing me of late is becoming more than a nag. It's become intolerably annoying and is absolutely detrimental to my psychological being.
I'm very sure I've listened enough, I want out, now.
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Wait a minute, have I murmured a line or said something yet?
Where are the words that I wanted to be heard by you people?
I haven't even spoke a word, yet the assembly of these lewd and ludicrous blabbers from these unthoughtful selfish minions have already took a big part of me away.
I'm pretty sure that there are more heart aches than heart attacks out there everyday, but how many of the heartaches' actually even contemplated death?
Hardly, let me tell you.
Yet it is the death from these aches of the heart that are more murderous and frequent than the real death.
Some people just don't get it.
For fuck sake, just stop proclaiming.
Don't ever say "i love you" when you're not listening or you do not want to. There's no love without ears.
I'm grieving.
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